His Lovely and much loved lighter
by Eediva
Summary: Summary: Some one steals Pyro’s lighter and won’t return it without a prize. Humour and Slash. Gamro…


**Summary:** Some one steals Pyro's lighter and won't return it without a prize. Humour and Slash.Gamro…

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It was a lovely, hot summer day. Just the way Pyro or as few knew him St John Allerdyce, liked it. He sat silently out in the Acolytes large garden watching goldfish swimming in the pond that his two comrades built. Gambit and Colossus were once so bored that they brought a small pond, cemented it to the ground, filled it with water and threw fish in it. This was the eighteenth group of fish that the pair brought, as Sabertooth had a sweet tooth for fish. So as expected each week a new group of fish were bought.

Pyro sighed, blissfully and reached in to his pocket. The day was perfect; all it needed was his lovely, and much loved, fire playing in air. Pyro raised an eyebrow when he couldn't feel his lighter.

"Sheila?" He asked. Sheila was what he named his lovely and loved lighter, a typical name for an Australian to choose. He pulled out his pocket and found nothing but a used up tissue. He made a disgusted noise and threw the tissue to the ground. His next option was the next pocket. In his hands went to pull out the pocket. Once more there was no lighter instead a packet of gum, and a couple of condoms. John sighed. "Where are you baby?"

Pyro then tried every other pocket that he had on his clothing, still he didn't find his precious Sheila. He shock in utter fear. "Oh no I lost my precious, lovely, and much loved Sheila! I'm gonna die!"

As expected he fainted.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Pyro?" Magneto asked shaking the Australian. Magneto happened to be walking past the garden when he found Pyro fallen across the floor. He continued shaking until finally the pyromaniac opened an eye. "Pyro what happened? Who hurt you?"

"Where's Sheila?" Pyro asked. Magneto raised a brow.

"Who on earth is Sheila?"

"My lighter," Pyro said shooting up. "Someone's stole her."

"Pyro, no one stole her, you probably missed placed her, just go look around," Magneto sighed, even though deep down inside he had a huge hunch which stupid acolyte had it. "Just go look around for her; I'm sure she will show up."

"I guess," Pyro said. He left on a quest to find his lovely and much loved lighter.

"That stupid Cajun," Magneto muttered.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Colossus headed up to his room. However he stopped when he heard crashes and things breaking in his room. He growled and rolled his eyes. What was that stupid Cajun doing in his room now, he better not be stealing anything. But then the more he thought about it, the more he realised it could not be Gambit. He was a skilled thief and wouldn't make so much of a mess and would never be so loud, that he'd get caught. It was some one else. His hands then turned to metallic fist and he cluck up to his room.

Cluck. Cluck. Cluck. (The metallic noise when he walks)

He then kicked the door down and stormed in screaming in anger. A terrified scream filled the room. Piotr hands ran to his ears.

"Shut up!" The Russian yelled. He spotted Pyro hiding behind his bed. "What are you doing in here comrade?"

"I-I-I-I-I-I" Pyro stuttered quickly. He was shaking terribly. Colossus running into the room screaming like a madman terrified the shit out of him.

"Breathe, comrade," Piotr sighed, Pyro swallowed fearfully but calmed himself down eventually. "Now what were you doing in my room, comrade?"

"I was looking," Pyro stumbled.

"For what, comrade?"

"My Sheila," Pyro cried suddenly bursting into tears. Colossus eyes widened. "I've lost her or some one's taken her hostage!"

"There, there comrade," Colossus said patting Pyro on the back uncertainly. "Perhaps you should look somewhere else; I don't have it, if I find it, however I will return it to you comrade."

"Really," Pyro asked, sniffing and wiping a tear.

"Yes," Colossus said when suddenly Pyro jumped up onto him and hugged him.

"Thanks mate!" Pyro cried tears pouring onto Colossus metallic shoulder.

"Please stop crying on my shoulder comrade," Colossus said, "Otherwise I will rust comrade."

"Oh sorry mate," Pyro said jumping down. He grabbed a cloth and wiped Colossus shoulder.

"You might have to call me Rusty instead of Colossus," Piotr laughed. Pyro laughed lamely and pointed to the door.

"I got to go. To ah, pee, and then uh find my Sheila," Pyro said edging to the door.

"Yes comrade, I hope you find your Sheila," Colossus said. Pyro nodded and ran out of the door.

"Bye," Pyro called slamming the door.

"I make joke," Colossus smiled, "I bet that stupid Cajun was the one who took the lighter.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Pyro walked in quietly into Sabertooth's room and swallowed when he saw the large cat asleep on his play box. He walked over to the cat and wondered whether he should wake Sabertooth up. Some thing told him not to, but at the same time something told him to wake him up. Pyro swallowed and decided to wake the cat up. He knelt down besides him and shook him softly. Sabertooth growled and pushed Pyro hard to the floor.

"What?" The cat growled jumping onto Pyro, who screamed.

"Hauseemshiela?" Pyro said faster then Quicksilver.

"What?" Sabertooth asked.

"Have you seen my Sheila?" Pyro asked.

"Are we talking about a small bird," Sabertooth asked, Pyro raised a brow, "Because I ate it and now it's ready to come out. Excuse me."

Sabertooth stood up and went to his litter box. Pyro's mouth dropped as the man pulled his pants down and knelt down.

"Fuck, that's huge!" Pyro cried. Sabertooth groaned an 'I know' in response. Finally after finishing his business he stood up and pulled his pants back up.

"So what do you want, boy?"

"Have you seen my lighter?" Pyro said.

"No," Sabertooth said, "why?"

"I've lost it,"

"Lost it my ass," Sabertooth growled, "That stupid Cajun probably stole it!"

"Yeah, you're right," Pyro said, opening the door, he stepped outside, "About your ass."

"Yes?" Sabertooth smiled, he loved compliments.

"It fucking stinks," Pyro said slamming the door. Sabertooth smiled and then growled once he realised he was being insulted.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Gambit sat in front of his computer turning Pyro's lighter on and off, giggling like a maniac.

"Now I know why he don't stop laughing," Gambit giggled. He continued playing when a knock caught his attention. He cleared his throat and coolly said, "Come in."

The door opened and Pyro walked in. Gambit hid the lighter in his pocket.

"What can Gambit do for ya, Pyro?" Gambit asked. Pyro stalked in and grabbed Gambit by his collar, making him stand.

"Where is my Sheila?" Pyro snarled.

"Dunno what ya talking bout." Gambit smiled, Pyro growled and threw Gambit to the chair.

"You leave me no choice," Pyro muttered.

"What ya gonna do? You have no Sheila to protect you!" Gambit smirked.

"I'll show you," Pyro growled before dropping to his knees. "Please! Please! Please! I beg you give me back my Sheila! Please!"

"Chill out," Gambit smiled, "Since ya like to be on ya knees, why don't ya gimme a blow job."

Pyro looked up at Gambit and rolled his eyes. "Fine just make sure you have my Sheila ready."

"Already is cher," Gambit smiled, standing back up. "Now get on with it?"

"Fine," Pyro said, unbuckling Gambit's belt. He smirked as an idea formed in his head.

"What ya smirking about?" Gambit laughed. Pyro looked up at him and smiled, before driving his elbow hard in between Gambit's legs. "Eeee! M-my b-balls!"

"That will teach you to try and steal my baby," Pyro said pulling his lighter out of Gambit's pocket; he kissed her before turning her on. "Now to teach you a better lesson, I think I'll burn your face off."

"No not the face anything but the face," Gambit cried still writhing on his knees.

"Okay then," Pyro said, "Since you like to be on your knees."

Pyro knocked Gambit to the ground and pulled his pants off. Pyro's mouth dropped.

"Not my balls; please go back to the face!" Gambit squeaked.

"Fuck! Their bigger then Sabertooth's" Pyro cried, "Fuck, Gambit that is the hottest pair of balls I have eva seen!"

"T-thank you," Gambit stuttered, "does dis mean ya wont burn Gambit's balls or face?"

"If you do me one little thing," The Australian grinned.

"What?" Gambit asked, Pyro leaned in and whispered something to the Cajun; Gambit looked up and said, "Gambit cant."

"You better!" Pyro warned turning on his Sheila.

"No, Gambit means his French wiener hurts right now if Pyro knows what Gambit means," Gambit cried. Pyro looked at him sceptically.

"I don't believe you Cajun,"

"Gambit is serious, what about ya come to my room tonight and I'll do what you want me to do," Gambit muttered, "Please?"

"Fine, but you come to my room,"

"Okay," Gambit sighed in relief, as Pyro walked off with his precious, lovely and much loved Sheila.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

That night.

Gambit sighed and walked into Pyro's room. He smirked when he saw Pyro asleep on his bed. He turned to leave.

"Oh no, you don't!" Pyro snapped. Gambit turned around to see the Australian sitting up in his bed, "Get you ass over here now."

Gambit flushed and walked over obediently, he stood in front of Pyro looking down at the ground. Pyro grabbed him by the wrist and force him to sit on the bed, Gambit pouted. "Can we get on with it? Remy wants to sleep."

"I like it when ya pout," Pyro whispered seductively. Gambit swallowed as Pyro slid between his legs. Grinding his thighs and hips against Gambit's, Pyro began to kiss Gambit along his neck and jaw line. "What a sexy face."

"Thank you, can't say much bout you though," Gambit smirked. His smirk was slapped off his face hard; he fell to the ground clutching his face. "What was that for? Remy was complementing you!"

"WHAT?" Pyro screeched.

"Yes I said-"

"You said you couldn't say much about me!"

"Sorry cher, but Remy meant Remy can't find da words to explain your beauty!"

"Bull shit! You stupid jackass mongrel. Get the buggaring fuck out of my fucking room, you bloody stupid Cajun!"

"Hey Remy ain't bloody! He may be a Cajun and stupid but he ain't bloody!" Gambit pouted crossing his arms around his chest. Pyro took one look at the Cajun and laughed. Gambit stared at him when suddenly the Australian jumped onto him and began to ferociously unclothe him. "Slow down you stupid Tasmanian tiger."

"Shut the fuck up and fuck me!" Pyro screeched forcing Gambit onto him. Remy sighed and then went straight into business.

The room was filled with erotic screeches, moans and groans for a good solid fifteen minutes, when finally Gambit came. The two moaned in unison as Gambit pulled out and the pair relaxed on the bed. Gambit pulled Pyro even closer and held him tightly.

"Good night Remy's Tasmanian tiger," Gambit yawned.

"I ain't from Tassy, I am from Queensland," Pyro informed, he looked up at Gambit and found him asleep. "Good night stupid Cajun."

Pyro pulled out his precious, lovely and much loved lighter, "Good night Sheila my precious, lovely and much loved lighter."

With that Pyro fell asleep with his precious, lovely and much loved Sheila and his bloody Stupid Cajun in his arms.

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**Afro: Hurray for lovely Pyro/Gambit slash stories!**

_Afro: For once I agree with you. Yay!_

**Afro: Colossus is really weird. But then again so was everyone.**

_Afro: Magneto wasn't. He seems quite sane._

**Afro**/_Afro_ see Magneto running around in bee suit mooing.

_Afro: Or maybe not…_

**Afro: So close….sigh.**

Peace and Chicken Grease.

**Afro…**_Afro_

Please review.

**Afro: Or else.**

_Afro: Don't start._

**Afro: Yeah, yeah, yeah.**


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